Is Anger Slowly Killing You? Choose Forgiveness!
In my role as a mother, I feel that teaching my kids how to recognise, identify, and process their emotions is one of the most important skills that I can teach them. There are often outbursts of anger from both of my sons as they have fiery personalities. One evening recently irritations were rising and they started to get a bit physical with each other. We separated them and they both went to bed incredibly upset. My husband was angry too. It is hard when faced with flaring anger and confrontation to stay calm. We always try to assure the boys that we love them even when they have misbehaved as we want them to know that our love is unconditional. Interestingly on this occasion, it was by showing them lots of love in their grief and extreme anger that allowed them to apologise and make friends again.
I have noticed that one of my boys tends to want to cover his ears, hide and run away from situations when he is overwhelmed. often followed by an earache the next day interestingly. The other gets enraged, loses his temper and then tends to move into a self-blaming place of shame which is overly dramatic and also detrimental to his health and happiness. I grew up in a household where there were next to no shouting or raised voices. I like fact that my kids express their anger but the trick is to get them expressing it safely and without collateral damage. We aren’t there yet. In fact, I am amazed our sitting room door is still on its hinges after the repeated slamming!
- Observing (and being aware if we are also evaluating)
- Feelings ( identifying and expressing how we are feeling in a responsible manner)
- Needs (identifying one’s own needs and enquiring about and sensing others’ needs)
- Requests (asking for actions that might fulfil our needs and enrich our lives)
Do visit the link above to learn more about NVC and to find out about courses and resources on how to communicate with compassion.
Is anger slowly killing you?
*Brod S1, Rattazzi L, Piras G, D’Acquisto F. “As above, so below” Examining the interplay between emotion and the Immune System. Immunology. 2014 Jun 18.
**The Physiological and Psychological Effects of Compassion and Anger. Glen Rein, Mike Atkinson, and Rollin McCraty. Journal of Advancement in Medicine. 1995; 8(2): 87-105.
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